Lost and Found:


Lately I been asking myself... what the hell am I doing ? What am I trying to accomplish in
life by spending all this time SBR'ing ?

I guess this stems from some form of post Ironman mental trauma. The amount of time one spends training for one is mind boggling...I truly lost a year of my life as I knew it. I looked at my training log this afternoon and kept asking myself...." Did I really spend all that time on the road, in the pool ,hitting the trails ? Its just ridiculous.

I'm a romantic slash renaissance man at heart. I collect books, fine art and I cook as good as a CIA grad.

In the past if you needed to find me, all you'd have to do was go out to my studio where I'd be either in the darkroom or at my easel painting. If I wasn't there I'd be doing my once a week research fellowship at the Clark Art Library in Williamstown or
out back in my orchard goofing off with my 2 labs.

I want that person back.

It hasn't been easy. I can't seem to focus on things that used to be important to me.
I've missed every major exhibit to hit NYC and San Francisco since early 05 ! Including the Lee Friedlander retrospective and Robert Adams' show at the Getty..and he's a dear friend ! Fu%K ! I feel like a cultural outcast.

My gallery dealer in Los Angeles I think has all but given up on me. The new work
is in my head, but I just can't seem to want to get "Out There " and seize the world like I used to.

Things like keeping in touch with colleagues and other artists have fallen by the wayside........is this just the proverbial " Fork in the Road" of life ? Do I surrender to this evolution of self ? I hope not........because I am lost without my art. IT's what I've been since 1986......Twenty years of self expression !

A friend told me a while ago that people actually do get hooked on the release of Endorphins . One of the side effects is the loss of interest in things that are not associated with said release. Hmmm ?

I wonder what my friends are thinking when my name comes up in conversation. God- I hope they don't think I'm nuts . I miss hanging out with them, but they're in LA and NYC. Moving out to the country has changed things . We have new friends, but my dearest friends like Andrew and Jim are the ones I miss the most.

In the interest of self preservation I've decided that after the Vermont 1/2 IM race I'm going to spend some serious time getting back to the old me.

I think once my book is wrapped up this Fall and the European trip is behind me, I'll take another road trip across America . I really miss that. It 's time to revisit some of those great small towns like Elkins, West Virginia, Odessa ,Texas ,Coos County Oregon........ Just me and my Leica around my neck. Just like Kerouac and Robert Frank, or Agee and Walker Evans......the road is where one can find ones self ...the self that time and life can dull.... the self that has a lost its verve.

If any of you have some knowledge as to what is a " Must See " town, monument,person or whatever, drop me a note and I'll add it to my list of places to see and photograph.

My next post will be a selection of images from my last road trip.